Monday, December 22, 2008
But Mustache has an integrity to him that I didn't expect.
Also, he doesn't technically have a mustache anymore. But that doesn't mean he gets to change his name.
Finally: Mustache doesn't want me to "get him started" on the topic of Amazon Girlfriend from Lynnwood? VERY interesting....
How is it that the feathered pest pounding away at our eaves is both the laziest AND the most persistent woodpecker on the face of the earth?? No rapid-fire jack-hammering from this guy. Just a slow knocking away at the wood outside Em and Q's bedroom. The guy wasn't at the top of his pecking class... but he never missed a day, I'm sure. He's a big, dumb, plodding oaf of a pecker, and he's going to drive me out of my mind. Could this anti-pecker spray really be the answer to my prayers?
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
To find out why, please select from the following options:
A. It's just close enough to give shut-ins an excuse to walk there and get some cardio-conditioning in before gorging themselves on artichoke dip and bean pate.
2. Its overwhelmed checkout lines give everyone an exercise in charity and patience, two qualities cherished at this time of year.
C. Its parking lot provides hours of entertainment as Washington drivers pretend they own Zamboni machines.
4. Amazon Girlfriend from Lynnwood shops there, too!
E. All of the above.
(PS: The answer is E)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sure, I had 25 quizzes in my bag and could have settled in for 3 hours of grading this morning, while GVB ran the Seattle Marathon. But since I had my walkin' boots on, that's what I did instead. Seattle's lovely on foggy Sunday mornings. Also, here are some things I thought about on my walk:
1. There really is no excuse for me not to at least walk any available half-marathon while GVB is 'thon-ing. Folks twice my size and/or twice my age were doing it... Why am I so, so lazy??
2. The cops who get assigned route-duty just know they're being punished for something they did wrong in a past life. And they aren't afraid to let you know it, too.
3. More cowbell!
4. Acupuncture tables at the end of the marathon? Really, Bastyr University? Really?
5. California Rolls make a perfectly good breakfast, if one finds oneself in Queen Anne with an hour to kill.
6. Markets that require a code in order to use the restroom facilities should just post a guard at the door, specifically trained to sniff out the homeless and bar them from entering. We get it. No riff-raff. Aren't my boots code enough??
7. One and a half hours of a continuous Black Eyed Peas song loop is plenty. Turn up your stereo! Turn up your stereo! Turn up your stereo! Enough, already.
8. People like them some Starbucks.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
1. Yes, I've seen the movie. Under the auspices of "screening" it for my teenage daughter, I joined several of my 40-something girlfriends and braved the hormone-filled crowd at the Loews cinema last night...
2. I expect that this movie will reach cult status by 2010, with midnight showings every Saturday night, replete with Rocky-Horror-esque audience participation. Campy. Hilarious. Terrible.
3. Yes, I've read the book. The first one, that is. I'll get to the second one soon... hopefully before the next film in the onslaught hits the big screen.
4. It takes all of my post-feminist resolve not to hurl the book at the nearest teenager when I read about a 17 year old girl who is celebrated for turning her identity over to some guy she barely knows.
Especially since he's not even that hot.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
1. I could live at the Edgefield. Smart, progressive, happy people work here. The beds are comfortable. It's kid-friendly. There are plenty of vegetarian options on the menu. There's a bar or two. There are some details to work out to make this dream a reality, but I'm looking into it.
2. I will not be doing yoga tonight. I can't lift my arms over my head, and I'm pretty sure I'm already dehydrated enough.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Having spent varying lengths of time as a passenger on this fine piece of machinery this weekend, I can now offer the following suggestions--in no particular order--to keep YOU entertained the next time your head is cushioned inside a helmet:
1. Roll eyes at and decide to count the McCain/Palin campaign signs on display throughout Snohomish, Skagit and Island Counties.
2. Forgive yourself for losing count, in favor of actively keeping your terror in check (are there REALLY this many Republicans? Here? On the west coast? In my blue state? REALLY? I think I have an ulcer.).
3. Monitor the rear view mirror to be sure the pumpkin strapped to the bike hasn't leapt to its gut-spewing death on the road behind you.
4. Play the last song you heard on the radio in a continuous loop for background music in your head. Mine? "Collide," by Howie Day.
5. Invent new passenger seat designs that involve heated grips like the ones the dude in front of you gets. Lucky bastard.
6. Blink strategically so you miss the pass through Stanwood.
7. Practice sitting ramrod straight and tucking your abdominal muscles up under your rib cage like the yoga article recommended in that Outdoor magazine you read in the doctor's office waiting room last week.
8. Telepathically apologize to the future hamburgers you're sure you could hear mooing plaintively at you from their pens on the side of the road if it wasn't for the deafening roar of the BMW engine vibrating beneath you.
9. Compose emails you'll never send to your uncle in which you teach him a thing or two about common human decency.
10. Kegels. Lots and lots of kegels.
Monday, October 20, 2008
How can I NOT submit my birth date and time, along with those of the man with whom I'm considering a long-term relationship, and get a 7-day risk-free astrological reading that I don't have to pay for until I see RESULTS?
I'd be a fool to ignore my destiny.
This book is taunting me from the far reaches of my desk. I know I'm supposed to read it for my book group, and I LOVE those women and don't want to disappoint them. But the word "jigaboo" appeared within the first few pages. And here's some sample dialogue:
"Of course there's a lump on her breast, my God, you're a tit man, I didn't come here to ask about the lump on her face--that's called a NOSE, by the way, I don't know if they teach that kind of thing any more in medical school."
Now, I'm no creative writing major, but I know what I like...
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
I'm officially addicted to Facebook... even though I think it's arrogant to presume that anyone wants to electronically track my "status" throughout the day and massively tedious to remain in constant contact with people who would have been, back in "the day," once-a-year pen pals. Still. I totally heart it.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
GVB has covered the technical elements of the main event of my morning already, but here are a few things he missed:
1. The first thing that needs renovating in Husky Stadium is the bench seats. Ass cheeks aren't supposed to fall asleep, bruise, then ache while taking in a spectator sport.
2. It's damned hard work to read four Ursula Hegi short stories in a little over 30 minutes, but some of us have the stamina to power through. Why isn't there a souvenir race t-shirt for US?
3. Never, ever attend a Dawg Dash without first locating a nonfat latte. Caffeine withdrawal makes you even less attractive in comparison to all those perky athletic types.
4. Things we lost in the fire: Sweater's Prom Date. Sigh.
5. The Sunflour California omelette is a rib-sticker. And yummy, too. Thanks for brunch, RPD!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Pounding my sore feet back out toward Penn Station to catch a subway to Brooklyn, walking 6 blocks on the same sore feet to meet up with Twumasi, waiting two hours while Twumasi and the various family members visiting his wife show off their Canal St purchases and gather their things, walking to find a restaurant that can take six full-grown people plus a baby for dinner within an hour, eating way too much because the fish tacos and the fried plaintains were just too good to resist, then walking back to the subway to head back in to Manhattan?
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Clear. Lows in the upper 40s. West winds around 5 mph.
Sunny. Highs in the upper 60s.
Partly cloudy. Lows in the mid 50s.
Mostly sunny. Highs in the lower 70s.
Mostly cloudy. A chance of showers after midnight. Lows in the upper 50s. Chance of rain 30 percent.
Mostly cloudy with a 50 percent chance of rain. Highs in the upper 60s.
Mostly cloudy with a 50 percent chance of rain. Lows in the mid 50s.
Where?? I'll never tell...
Friday, October 3, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The women in my book group are wild about this guy. Apparently there's a new 007 movie coming out: Quantum of Solace. And he's Bond. James Bond.
The core compelling reason to see this film, according to the 6 giddy suburbanites in my living room last night, is this guy run out of the water in his swim trunks. There was swooning involved. And exclamations of "have you ever seen a more perfect specimen of a male body?!"
At least that was better than talking about "Three Cups of Tea." Yawn.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
And here I was, feeling like I really should know the plot of the play we're seeing tonight, what with me being a former English major and all... and then I find out from Wikipedia that I know the story after all:
In Greek mythology, Eurydice (Eurydíkê, Εὐρυδίκη) was an oak nymph or a sweet maiden. She was the wife of Orpheus. Orpheus loved her dearly; on their wedding day, Orpheus played songs filled with happiness as his bride danced through the meadow. One day, a satyr had seen her and pursued her. According to legend, Eurydice stepped on a snake and fell to the ground. The venomous snake had bitten her, leaving Eurydice dead. Distraught, Orpheus played and sang so mournfully that all the nymphs and gods wept. In their saddened states, they told him to travel to the Underworld and retrieve her. Orpheus did so, and by his music softened the hearts of Hades and Persephone, his singing so sweet that even the Erinyes wept. In another version, Orpheus played his lyre to put the guardian of Hades, Cerberus, to sleep. It was then granted that Eurydice be allowed to return with him to the world of the living. But the condition was attached that he should walk in front of her and not look back until he had reached the upper world. In his anxiety, he broke his promise, and Eurydice vanished again from his sight - this time forever.
Plus, there is disagreement about the pronunciation of this lovely maiden's name. Is it:
b. You're-a-disease (in which the final 'z' sound is silent)
d. none of the above
Greek scholars? You wanna weigh in on this one?
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Somebody needs to explain to me why rich white guys still run the world. Haven't we learned yet that, faced with unchecked opportunities for self-congratulation, they'll eventually all make the rest of us pay for their excesses?
I'm the daughter of a rich white guy, so I know of what I speak. And some of my dad's relatives are reeeeeeaallllly greedy.